Today was one of those mornings when you wake up with the premonition that it will be a bad day. You wake up alarmed, stare at your cell phone, realize that you are awfully late for class, but still you just keep lying in bed, staring at at the ceiling. At that moment, there is this intense urge to just let go, to laze around in bed for no reason, to give into utter decadence, to go against your better judgement.
But you still wake up, rush through your routine and go through the motions. So, did I. But somewhere there is that lurking feeling that you should have just stayed in bed. And before you know it, you will find a reason to depress yourself.
And then you would want to sleep it off again. But then sleep is a little sadistic bitch. So, once again you will find yourself staring at the ceiling, wanting to silence the shrieking voices inside your head and then you wonder...maybe just maybe you should have chosen the not so rational option right at the morning.
Sometimes, I wonder..where is the need or the obligation to strive for perfection or to achieve anything at all for that matter. Who exactly am i doing it for? Once you leave out the family and friends out of the picture, it becomes a rather desolate existence. And then, I own my life and if I want to let go and be a nobody, what gives anybody the right to chastise me for it..
Just random shrieking voices in my head...Maybe I should try to silence them or on second thoughts should I???
Thursday, March 4, 2010
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